This is a comment posted in response to a post by Jacob.
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The leaders of Kiryas Yoiel in their infinite compassion have issued the following golden opportunity to the greenberg mishpucha in this heilge month of Elul in order that they may be zoiceh to teshiva shleima and to give a tikun to their treifena neshumas:
1. The Greenberg family must give one of their cars to the Vaad Hatznius (of course they must first pay for all the damages that we caused).
2. Mrs Greenberg must be escorted into the main shul in Kiryas Yoiel and publicly swear on 5 sifrei toiras that she will never ever sit in the driver's seat of any car until the day she dies.
3. Mrs. Greenburg and her husband must shave their heads at least once a week. If a shiksa like britney spears can shave her head so it looks like a bowling ball then a family who wants to be members of our hoily village can do so too !
4. Mrs Greenberg must not wear any makeup, colorful shirts or denim skirts. The only color that is permissible is the RED paprika that could be added to the chulent. She must wear special black (sorry mrs g. brown is not an option) thick bullet proof stockings that will cut off all circulation to the legs.
All this must be done to purify and cleanse her defiled neshuma which has been stained by publicly looking and smelling better then any other man or woman in our shetel.
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3 comments:
hahahahaha!!
This is for teshuvah?
Doesn't everyone in KJ have to do this anyway?
Anon 12:32,
Thanks !
Anon 5:26,
Yes ! But the greenberg's aren't doing this and they must start acting like true kirays yoiel residents.
Don't forget that Mrs "ZOINAH" Greenberg must still swear on the 5 sifrei toiras.
I forget to mention that she must be escorted into the scheil (shul for our modern and yeshivash friends and whose camps feel the need to bring their campers to visit reb yoilesh's kever and to show them that we are the true jews) by 10,000 chassidim.
She must also have her head covered by a black hood and wear a sackcloth so that the men escorting her should not see her feminine beauty and be aroused chas v'shulem.
The leaders are also recommending that the men wear an extra pair of chasiddishe underwear to suppress any desires, just to be sure.
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